How to prepare your child for the first day of school

Let your child know what is coming. Read stories about starting school together and talk about it, and find out how your school runs the first days so that you can tell your child what to expect.^[1]

Whether it is Reception, kindergarten or a new class, take your child to visit the new school or classroom before the first day if you can. Go to any open session or tour the school offers.^[2]

• Move bedtime earlier a week or two before term starts, then keep a consistent bedtime every night.^[2]
• Practise the morning: getting dressed, breakfast and the walk or drive to school, so that the real day feels familiar.
• Point out the fun parts of school, such as seeing old friends and making new ones, so that your child has something to look forward to.^[2]

Pretend play helps younger children get ready for new places and new people. You can read stories or play “school” at home to help your child get ready for kindergarten.^[4]

It helps if your child has the practical skills schools expect before they start. In the UK, children starting school need to be toilet trained and able to undress and dress themselves for PE. Ask yourself whether your child is ready for these, and if not, practise them together over the summer.^[1]

• Putting on and doing up a coat and shoes.
• Washing hands without help.
• Opening a lunchbox and a drink.
• Telling an adult when they are hungry, tired, upset or need the toilet.

Children who eat a good breakfast cope better with the school day. If there is no time to eat at home, send your child to school with a snack they can grab and go.^[2]

Get there early, so that the morning is not rushed. Remind your child that teachers know children may be nervous on the first day.^[2]

It can help to rehearse walking into the new situation: where you will say goodbye, which door your child will go through and who will be waiting inside.^[2]

Keep the goodbye short and warm. Do not slip away while your child is not looking. Say when you will be back, for example “I’ll see you after lunch” or “I’ll be at the gate when the bell rings”, and keep your word.

A short goodbye that is the same every day can also help: one hug, one phrase and off you go. Your child then knows exactly what to expect. If you feel anxious at the classroom door, let it out once you’ve left, not in front of your child.

Expect a tired child after the first days. A quiet afternoon at home helps more than a busy one.

Keep your questions simple: you will hear more if you ask something specific, such as “Who did you play with?”, than if you ask “How was school?”.^[1]

Ask about feelings, not only about activities: “What was the best part of today, and what was the hardest?”.

Keep talking with your child during the first weeks, and watch how they behave in the morning as you get ready for school.^[1]

Whatever your child’s reaction to school, the teachers will have seen it before. If you think something is wrong, make the teacher the first person you contact, and start by passing on what your child said.^[1]

Many children feel anxious when they start a new school, and change is hard for them. If your child seems nervous, ask them what they are worried about, and prepare them by talking about what is going to happen and why.^[2][3]

• Keep to regular daily routines where you can. Children of all ages find routines reassuring.^[3]
• Practise a simple way to calm down together, such as taking 3 deep, slow breaths.^[3]
• Turn an empty tissue box into a “worry box”: your child writes or draws their worries and posts them inside.^[3]
• Set up a meeting with your child’s teacher or the school’s SENCO (special educational needs co-ordinator) to agree how to help.^[3]

Write down when the worries appear: the time of day, the day of the week, who was around. Notes like these make the talk with the teacher easier.

A story in which the hero lives through a first day somewhere new lets your child picture a real scene instead of a vague “it’ll be fine”.

When the hero is your child, you can read the story as a rehearsal before the big day and come back to it in the evening afterwards, talking about what was the same and what was completely different.

You can return to the same story before every new start, from nursery to a new class.

If your child’s anxiety is severe, persists and gets in the way of everyday life, it is a good idea to get some help. A visit to a GP is a good place to start.^[3]

If your child mentions a particular person or event as the reason they do not want to go, talk to the teacher. If they complain of tummy aches before leaving home, start with your GP or your child’s doctor.